"We Need To Talk.!"

19/06/2008

” For your sake, please get back to me.

love.”

These are the messages I have to come home to. Messages from fake people pretending to care. Fake people acting like we are good but then going behind my back and trying to destroy MY life. I already know what this message will say. “If you play the show on the 27th, something bad will happen”. It’ll say that my things will be stolen, my tires will be slashed, Ill be beat up, anything to keep me form coming to play our show.

The fact is that we may have to cancel, based on the circumstances with lineup, with gear, and with fill in drummers who bail and spend all their time shit talking us. We may have to cancel because we should be practicing for the next tour instead, with the new members. We may have to cancel to sit back and think about how we are going to deal with the people causing us shit, the right way.. The legal way.

I know your probobly reading this, you sit behind your screen and act as if you can play from all sides, when the reality is the everyone sees how fake you are. You have nothing now, so you think its right to try and take back yuor former glory. When the reality is that even if you were here again, even if you had it all back. No one wants you. The kids dont want you, the band doesnt want you, the label doesnt want you. It would fall apart within a week.

On another note, I am home. Misty picked me up a the bus station around 8am today. I saw Marc, he came to pick up Seb. It was really nice to see him, especially since like 20 minutes after they left he sent me an email apologising for having to get to work and not hanging. I thought that was awesomely unecessary because work is never something to apaologize for.

Misty grabbed me and we drove back to Guelph. I used to feel like I was home when this happened, I used to feel so welcome and warm, possibly because I know this city like the back of my hand. The sad truth is that though this is where I grew up, this isn’t my home anymore. I spend more time on the road than I do here. Other than maybe 3 people, there is nobody I want to see. Every time I go to the mall here, I worry about who I’ll bump into that I hate, or that hate me.

We went to her house and hung out for a bit, then she took me to see my mom, get a house key, and go home. We grabbed Harveys on the way. Even this, I don’t even miss. And Harveys is AMAZING.

I got home and immediately ran to my room with Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, My new game, I have been waiting for it. I got the special edition with a fancy box, a blue ray making of, and a CD soundtrack for the game. I want to watch the making of so bad, but it has spoilers for the game, and I want to be surprised by it all.

Its by far already one of my favourite games.

I fell asleep playing it. 4 times.

How sad is that? haha

I woke up to messages from Donny and Greg, at 3am. I guess the issue has been resolved, all of my worries are gone, and I can stop stressing. About one thing I guess. Long story short, on July 11th I am gone again. I am gone, on the road for a tour with “With Dead Hands Rising”. We have a lot to figure out, thats for sure. I am persistant to make this work, to make a future for this.

I am glad I’ll get this time off, but I am also glad I wont be staying. As much as it might hurt some people to read. I cant do it, I cant stay here, adn deal with shit, I cant work a normal job and I cant just grow up and go to school. Not yet. I cant stay here and know that I would be so close to people that hurt me. People I want, People I hate. I could stay, and find someone who wants to be with me. But the truth is, if they aren’t willing to support me being on the road, if they cant try distance or trust, why should I fucking bother.

I hate this place where I am from. I hate the people who make me out to be 10 thousand times worse than I have ever been, and I hate that people will get to know me, and still believe those things. It hurts, and yes. I actually have feelings sometimes.

Believe it or not. Sometimes I feel.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Misty Blue June 19, 2008 at 3:01 am

As much as I wish you’d abandon what causes you serious emotional, mental and physical exhaustion.. I support you every step of the way in every decision you make, and admire the fact that you DON’T give up, or abandon what you’ve put so much time and money and effort into. You don’t give up when people talk shit or threaten you. Jonny couldn’t handle it, no one can handle it but you stick around, and without you this band would be done by now. You could’ve given up too but you didn’t and I know the cd release tour will go great, and england will be great, and cd sales will be great, and its all because of you. And greg, too, he’s a pretty hard working dude sometimes.

Anyway, I love and support you and I’m proud of any and everything you strive to do. And I will always be around to keep you company when you come “home”. It is home, you know. Home is where the heart is. your mom, your brother, all your family, me.. We’re here. No one else matters, peanut. Just the ones you love.

xx

Anonymous June 20, 2008 at 10:21 pm

Why don’t you put what I actually said. If you knew the things that were said behind your back by the people you think you can trust you’d think twice.

Whatever dude.
Long live the dream haha

Anonymous July 3, 2008 at 1:26 pm

You would be surprised at the amount of people whom actually love, support, and care about you.

Fuck the haters- they’re not worth your time anyways.

Keep doing what you do.. you’re good at it, and you have the opportunities to actually make a career out of something you love. Don’t let some bored, pathetic, haters take that away from you.

xo

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