Starting Now, I’m Starting Over


I don’t feel like myself.

I feel like a puppeteer standing beside myself telling me what to do. Im so disconnected from everything, I wonder what it might mean. Over the last couple days I have been really irate. My temper completely irrational and out of nowhere. There are things that weigh me down I suppose?

Maybe I need to get out and hang out with some friends I havn’t seen in a while. Maybe I need to take a day or two and be completely alone.

I need to figure this out. I cant live like this. Im going to kill every relationship I have with everybody. I know I would be able to deal with that. I can handle being alone, don’t get me wrong at all. I never have and never will be dependent on others. But whats the point?

I think I’m rambling now.


I’ve been home a few days now. I took my first day home off from work to just rest. Then I worked on friday. I went through a bunch of crap and money, but now I can say I am the owner of a new Iphone 3G and I officially have my car back and insured to drive.

I am really glad, I have a new number, I wont be getting texts from people I don’t want to talk to, and I’ll be less liberal with distributing this number. I don’t think I want anyone and everyone to be able to reach me on this phone. Plus the fact that I can only send a maximum of 2500 texts a month makes me have to restrict the number of texts I send. I know Im already gotta be close to 3 or 400 in 3 days.

This is going to suck, when i get my first bill haha. Though the people I text the most arent in my 5 Fav’s or whatever, so as soon as they are I wont have to worry about going to high on the texts. Now I need to figure out the 5 people who I want to have unlimited calling, and texting with. Its hard for me, not because I have to narrow it down. But because I dont have 5 people I would want unlimited contact with.

I have been practicing my singing every day. I spend at least a couple hours on it. Singing along with songs, trying to play with my tone and pitch to make it sound right. I am actually feeling really good about it, I think I might be able to pull it off. I have recorded videos of myself, just to see how it sounds. And there have been a couple that were pretty close to right on. I think once I get a coach for my lessons, Ill start to sound better and better.

I still don’t have any of my recording stuff. Greg is giving me the wrap around. I threaten to call all my stuff in as stolen, but I don’t want to have to do that. I just want my stuff back. I just want to be able to close that chapter of my life and move on. Like fuck, I dont even have a copy of the new LIFERUINER cd, its not like I even care. Shit, I’m so sick of having to text Sean (uprising) asking him to call greg and find out how I’m getting my stuff. Then calling greg and having him ignore my calls. Everytime.

I think I’ve been really good in this whole situation and everyone has just been walking on me. Using my gear. Taking my things and not returning them.

I have been in bed all day, watching Arrested development. I watch arrested development every night before bed. Every night I have been home since Christmas when I got them. It’s sucha good show, and I cant wait for the movie when it comes out in like..2010, or something.

I keep trying to get a hold of brian, I think I will try to give him a call before I leave for the grocery store in a few minutes.

I am going now, to Zehrs, to get myself something tasty, to make for myself, for lunch/dinner. I am so tired of fast food. I wonder what Ill get. Probably steak or something I can barbeque.

I highly suggest you have me cook for you sometime. I am actually really good. According to my family, they have never had a better steak before in their life.

Fuck, I wish my brothers PS3 wasn’t broken, I would really love to just play some MG4

ahh well.

This is where I go. Turrah

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Misty Blue July 27, 2008 at 1:36 pm

finally i got you something right for christmas, huh? i still have your season one set, just so you know.

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