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22/07/2008

Every time I come to the realization that I am actually coming home, I listen to the same song. Every time its basically official. The same song.

Call it cheesy, but yeah, I listen to Dallas Green.

I know there are 10,000 other people who listen to this song on their way home from a trip. But the song is popular for a reason.

am I going to lie to myself and say I’m super excited to come home? No, I’m not.
Its time for my trip from life to end, its time for me to come home, its time for me to work, its time for me to move on with my life.

Today I got a tect from Sean Muttaqi. Telling me that the option was still there to be able to make a new LIFERUINER lineup to meet the tour manager and finish LIFERUINER’s tours.

I told him I would do it, only if the label and manager were to pay back my mother some of the debt she is owed. Its somewhere well over 6 thousand dollars, and all I wanted was one thousand. I have officially closed my heart to this band. I consider it the joke that so many people has seen it as for months and months before me.

I was doing this for her. For my mother who always gives and gives to me, knowing she will probably never get it back. Even when I promise and promise and plead and plead. We both know how it is.

I guess he has been talking about it with Greg today. But I have heard around that Greg has also asked Jonny OC if he would like to do the same as I was offered. There is no way in hell I would ever put myself in that position again. And I’m not fighting for something I don’t want.

I want my things back, so I can move on.

I want my bass gear, my recording gear, and my camera.

I cant wait to get home, and start making shitty dance music with Brian. He messaged me back on facebook. I was worried he didn’t want to, but he does, he has just been busy. It made me really happy. I like the dude a lot, and he really knows his stuff.

I’m also coming home and immediately starting a new band with my really good friend Marc Quags. I really care about the dude, he is one of my closer friends. We really share a like mind in music we would like to make, and now he is free of any commitment to another band, he will have plenty of time to make songs with me. I feel really bad that he isn’t in the band he was in that made him so happy. But I know that if we actually work hard at this, then he will be happier here making music with me.

Tonight I dropped my new good buddy Carl off at the bus home, he was really glad to be able to go. I’m glad he will be with his lady friend soon, I’m also really glad that he came out to help us on such short notice, he is a really sweet dude and without all this happening I wouldn’t have ever found that out.

After Carl left, I put on my ipod and took a walk alone through times square. It was the first time I have ever been there alone, and the first time I ever walked through with every single noise drowned out by music.

I took a couple pictures, its definitely something surreal to see so many bright lights, the only thing I can think is how it looked when that blackout happened so many years back. What did it look like to be one of the lucky people there to see all of the lights in Times Square go out.

We were supposed to go to Bree’s house again tonight…

She sort of made it obvious that she just wanted to be alone, and when she got here the other guys had to go help Christiana with a flat tire. So we aren’t going, and this turn of events is what made me really just wish I was home.

I don’t know what, but it just hit me like a brick wall.

So come tomorrow, I guess I’m coming home, or something like that.


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Anonymous July 24, 2008 at 5:57 pm

there isn’t enough money in the world to get me back in that band haha.

Oh and just so you know the shit I was trying to warn you about was what happened if you care.

later gator.

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