Could you go and run into me?


I want so many things, always. Want want want want want want want. If I only knew what I had to do in order to have these things. And obviously I don’t expect everything, but if I didn’t want everything, than any hope to get even some of those things is totally lost.

And there are things that I have, that I can’t ignore. The biggest of them being my job. The entire globe is feeling the effects of the economical meltdown. I am one of the lucky few who have had absolutely no impact to my life from it. I am one of the blessed few with a job, and a good one at that.

But that single good thing besides the obvious (good health, mental stability, etc.) isn’t enough for me to ignore the things I don’t have. And so begins an almost numerical list of things I want that hold precedent over the things that I have.

First off, I am still hurting to be able to make some music with other people. I am not dead set on doing vocals. I realize I am really nothing special in that category, or any category for that matter. But the fact is that I really do have something to offer, and that isn’t bass. In the last year and 4 months or so, there has only been one band who has been willing to consider me. A good band from Guelph, with a lot of musical integrity, and guys that I have known for many years now. The issue? They are looking for a bass player. Also, the bands outlook isn’t the kind I would like to be associated with. It seems that while they are serious, there is something holding them back from being big.

No, that isn’t all that I want anymore, to be in a big band. Though, if a band is doing the same national tours they have been doing for the last 3 years, there is an issue that needs to be addressed. And it isn’t the music, because theirs is great. It’s something else.

How I wish I were able to start something with someone, and have it not be a one off jam, like it always is.

Next, I sometimes (much more frequently lately) think that there should be somebody that I spend my time with. In a more, personal sense. You know, like maybe go on a real life, in flesh date with somebody? I don’t know how to meet girls in real life. I don’t know how to talk to girls that are my age. And not to mention that my physical appearance really only attracts one kind of girl. Sigh, I have no idea how to elaborate more on this. But sometimes I do miss laying next to someone and feeling, if even slightly, more than just the heat from their body. But hey, I am sure that tomorrow I will feel the opposite. I’m that guy, the one who is always back and forth, never knowing what I really want.

Maybe it’s time for me to settle down for real. But more importantly, it’s time to do that without forcing myself to do so.

I was thinking about posting a video of a song I am working on. But I will take a pass and just post this picture I took earlier after I shaved.


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