I know where you’ve been, and I know where you go.

23/09/2009

I am just a roller coaster as it seems. Constantly up and down, on a daily basis, and even today on an hourly one.

Sigh, I really wish my brain wasn’t such a jumble. I feel one way and then another and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Always the same.
All this complaining, the same thing all the time. I wonder why I even bother writing in this blog anymore. I wonder who I am writing it for.
I’ve stopped cooking food in my apartment, I really only have one meal a day. Today it was Egg noodles, with salt and olive oil. The closest thing I have to dinner is a couple handfuls of Dill Pickle chips.
No matter how much I sleep, I still feel terrible. I hate work, I hate doing anything. I have so much time, and yet I have so little. I have so much money, yet I have so little. Bah, I need to make a life change I think.
But I won’t, because thats what I do. I complain about the life I live and refuse to do anything to change it. You have to play the hand you’re dealt right? You don’t have the right to start drawing cards from the dealer, and putting back the ones you don’t really like, do you?
I miss being on the road, I miss seeing people just long enough for them to think I am a great guy. I miss not having to atone for my actions. I miss being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whomever I want.
I miss not having to worry about things like bills.
I don’t know what I miss.
I miss the love, and the praise. I miss actually feeling like I’m worth something.
In 19 days I have been alive for 21 years, and I have nothing to show for it, and it is fucking depressing.
But don’t listen to me, I’ll be the exact opposite within a couple hours.
fuck, just ignore this whole blog.

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