online/offline

15/03/2010

For the past 5 years, my life has always had one steady thing in it. Through different girls, the band, jobs, and feelings. Everything has changed in one way or another except the way I use the internet. I have spent so much time online I cant even begin to imagine the things I could have been doing instead. And as I start to fade into another one of my “Dark Days” (which actually lasts weeks), I have decided that I should also start to drift away from the entity of myself on the internet.

At it’s lowest point, my facebook (which is pretty much the “main” site for everyone now) has something like 68 friends on it, people for whom I had no reason to have on the list, but no reason to delete. A sort of limbo. Spare a couple of people who I actually talk to on a regular basis, I definitely do not have 68 friends. I then posted on here about how I was going to start accepting anyone who added me, as some sort of experiment. This “experiment” lasted indefinitely when it was only supposed to be for a week. Today I deleted all but 44 people, of whom probably will not last until the weekend. I will keep the page open for people to be able to look me up, and try to get in contact with me. But for now, I am trying to take a break from the life I have been living.

For the first time in a long time I would really just like to wallow in my own self-pity alone, and not look for the comfort of other people’s attention.

I will probably continue to post on here, but most likely infrequently. My twitter will most likely only be used to automatically post my blogs. I am not the same person I have always been, I am not the same person I was two weeks ago. I’m not growing old, or feeling young. I am just stuck. Feeling numb and for once not looking for attention.

I’m going to make a coffee and read, or lay down. Let’s see how many people read these posts now that I am not asking them to.

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