Insomnia 2

09/04/2010

And so, here I am again. For the past 2 hours I have been tossing and turning between different positions. Getting up and opening and closing windows, turning the fan on and off.

I can’t sleep. I don’t know why, I managed to take a nap earlier in the evening, but that was only for a couple of hours. Surely my entire night can’t of been ruined by a mere nap. Yet here I am. Alert enough to go to work right now. If only I could deliver mail at 3am.

Last night I found myself feeling awake. It was different though. My stomach was churning, but I wasn’t sick. I guess looking at it now, it seems as if it was lonliness. Such a lame thing to say.

There are things about me that are changing, and things that are staying the same. A lot of these things seem to be in direct contradiction of each other. I am able to recognize that I can’t feel emotional attachment towards another person. Generally normal for me, but it’s even more previlant lately. At the same time, I feel a sort of longing to just have somebody else laying beside me in my bed. To turn over in the middle of the night and just be able to put my arm around another human. It’s not even a sex thing.

It’s really weird to have feelings that are pretty much opposite of each other. I don’t know what it is, and it’s not like I am missing a specific person or something.

Anyways. That’s not how it feels tonight. I’m just, awake. Or at least, I was. I am starting to feel like I might be able to get to sleep. So I should probably not mess that up.

This sort of seemed like a bust. It’s not whiny though. It’s just informative. Which is something different from me. Or maybe not, I didn’t really proofread it.

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