Rope Ladder.

24/10/2011

How do you know when you really start to lose it? Is there any undeniable actions that make your last straw actually your last?

Lately I have noticed myself getting worse and worse. Drinking more, sleeping less, spending more money, going into work later, etc.  When will I know that I have hit rock bottom? Will I have to lose my house and every one that has ever cared about me? Will I need to contract cancer or some other incurable disease?
I find myself thinking about these things a lot.

Did I make the right choices in my life? Am I as smart and able as I think I am?

It’s easy to sit and be introspective, ponder the philosophy of your own id. It’s hard to actually do something about it. I know this better than anyone. I sit and wallow in self misery and pity while I watch the entire life I try to convince people is stable fall apart. Instead of doing the things I need to do, I have another drink and convince myself it will happen no matter what I do.

For someone who doesn’t believe in fate, I spend an awful lot of time sitting around waiting for things to be handed to me.

I decided today that I am going to make a huge change in my life. I can’t get into specifics now but it does involve me taking my business(es) into my hands and bringing them to the forefront of my attention. This is as much an opportunity for me to prove myself as it is an act of desperation. When you’re already feeling like you’re at the end of your rope, you might as well try to pull yourself up the rope you actually want to be holding.

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