I’m suposed to be an adult, aren’t I?
As an extension of that, my life should be surrounded with people who are adults also. Correct?
It feels like these days I am still stuck in the endless cycle of recycled drama I was involved in when I was eighteen. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because the people I choose to populate my life with or the people I speak to that happen to be in a certain area relative to the place I live.
I’m just trying to get better. I’m just trying to be better. Why is that so hard?
Are people just looking out for me, really? Are people just looking for attention from me until they have someone else to give it to them? Am I alive?
Am I a real human being? I seriously feel less and less like one every day.
I should take the way I am feeling and post it anonymously on my secret Tumblr and leave it from the view of people that know me. I should post it anonymous and just bury the things I am feeling towards all these people and retreat inside of myself. That’s how it has always worked; and try as I might, that is how it always will.
I really need to get over that God awful city.
I think I am going to avoid sleep tonight; because I hate it.
I hate sleeping so God damned much.
Fuck I want a smoke.